Thread: Comparing
View Single Post
  #2  
Old 10-04-2013, 10:50 AM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Spaminator
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,230
Default

My husband is mono, and I was worried about him having the same issue. Thankfully, that hasn't been the case. I just asked him about it, and he says that short term, perhaps you shouldn't share so much information about your boyfriend with your husband. If he isn't hearing it, he won't have a basis for comparison.

As far as long term goes, my husband says for him, he actively tries not to compare himself. It is impossible for him not to ever do it, but most of the time he recognizes that it isn't productive. He sees that there are differences, but it doesn't mean he's less than, it means he is separate and dissimilar. It shouldn't be a counting up of points, where the high score wins.

Check to make sure both guys are receiving the time and concern that they need to feel cherished. Don't share sexual information and instead focus more on activities, if you do share details. I know that my husband is less likely to feel insecure about the fact that my boyfriend and I are going to a WarMachine lock-in event to play with table top miniatures for 24 hours, because he has zero interest in becoming a gaming nerd, whereas if I talk to him about the marathon sex session my boyfriend and I had in the 3 hours prior to leaving for the WarMachine event, he may feel anxious that he is not measuring up to my sexual needs.

Hope that helps a little!
__________________
A modern day polyamorous polygamist My Online Journal

Me, center of a MFM V-shaped polycule (39F)
Wife to DarkKnight (41M) & PunkRockAwesomesauce (43M)
Reply With Quote