Originally Posted by YGirl
I realize that this does go on, but I see it as the problem of the people doing the hurtful behaviours. If I were a single person who had been treated poorly by a partner who is in a "primary" relationship, I'd FEEL hurt, but my friends and the logical side of my brain would say "It is not YOU with the problem, you can't FORCE people to not be assholes." I have been treated poorly in one-on-one dating relationships (I was going to say "monogamous", but just because neither party is seriously involved with someone else doesn't mean the relationship is monogamous in nature) and I don't consider it something that I need to fix for the other people that might date that person someday.
I agree with that, which is why it baffles me that when points like this are made there are ALWAYS quite a few people (if I had any statistics on it, I'd venture to say the majority, but I don't) that come rushing to the defense of such hurtful practices as "necessary" or "a stepping stone" or "it just has to be this way" or "MY poly isn't YOUR poly".
Fine. It doesn't change the fact that such practices are hurtful to others. If people like it that way then fine. And yes, I won't be getting involved with people like that. For a long time, I thought that was my only choice in poly relationships. I'm very glad and relieved to have learned that this doesn't have to be the case.