Unemotional sex to me is basically like masturbating, using the partner as a sex toy. I am not in the least interested in that. I never did one night stands. I only fucked people I felt interested in emotionally. I didn't need to be entirely in love with them, but had to like them, find them amusing, cute, with some depth to their personalities.
Your bf is, I assume, as young as you are? You're all college students? I assumed this because the casual sex experiment was performed with a "freshman" woman-child.
It is my understanding that at least half of men, especially young ones, barely consider masturbation to be sex. It's just a thing you do to rid yourself of bothersome semen. Seems to me, unemotional sex is just one step away from that.
If your bf likes that kind of thing, or feels he needs it, yet with you, having sex is so much more, this all needs to be explored. It can be affecting your relationship. Like, "The exciting sex we 2 have, when we connect on so many levels, is so much better and fulfilling than the casual sex with random people we both had, or are having. Why do we feel a need for more of that? Habit? Boredom? The thrill of the new?"
Many young men need to rid themselves of semen several times a day. Do you and new bf fuck every day or does he have days where he needs to ejaculate and you're not there? So he just grabs a willing random girl at a bar or in the dorm, or some FWB and goes for it...? I guess random "hooking up" is all the rage with youngsters these days.
Quite often NRE with a new person who has Mr Right or Ms Right potential can make poly people less into dating and searching for others. For myself as soon as I started being poly, I met Ms Right. But I needed to explore others out of curiosity (about them, about my own emotional and sexual tastes after having been in a long term marriage for decades).
Do you kinda sorta wish that, even though you and new bf are both poly, since your relationship is so new and exciting, you could both just focus on each other for a while? Rather than fucking every Tom Dick or Mary that crosses your path?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)