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Old 03-04-2010, 09:11 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Okay, I'm confused. The whole, kids are important thing might be obvious to you but it isn't always to others who are looking for a partnership. I have had people decide not to consider me because I have a child. That is their choice and I respect them for it.
How is not considering you evidence of not being aware of the importance of kids? It might suggest that they DO know how important kids are and would prefer to have a partner where they don't have to defer to that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I am not sure why you are feeling insulted. If this is all obvious to you then maybe I am not talking to you and talking to someone who is now saying in their mind, "ohhhhh, okay, I get it." In essense, I think I am giving them that "clue" by talking about it.
The insult is twofold. In general, it's insulting to be considered that way by a prospective partner. Also, the insult in general on this thread is that it has been REPEATEDLY said that it's not about being unaware of the importance of children yet people still seem to continually bring it up in this thread as if it hasn't already been addressed multiple times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Okay, what does this mean? "The issues that have been brought up are hurtful and real situations that are faced by people and yet people are continuing to ignore that and try to argue a point that is NOT being made."
There are people who have been treated like shit by partnered poly people. In fact, it happens quite often if you're a single poly person looking for poly relationships with people who already have partners and it sucks. And what sucks more is that most people tend to justify that it's ok to treat unpartnered or prospective new partners like that because of the kids or the family or the marriage or the primary relationship etc. To be told that it's ok to be treated like a second class citizen is hurtful and is often perpetrated by people who choose to practice poly in this manner. Sure, it's their poly and works for them. And as long as you don't have to consider the hurtful consequences that it holds for other people then that's fine.


Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
What are the issues that are hurtful, what are the real situations, what is it that is being ignored? the part where you say, "people are continuing to ignore that and try to argue a point that is NOT being made," what do you mean....? did I miss a thread or something, cause I was not aware that I personally was ignoring something, I have been simply telling my story and thoughts. If that is in someway insulting then I would like to know how,.... I invite you to explain what you mean by the above Ceoli, because I don't wish to be insulting, and hurtful. I wish to understand.
If you really want to understand, I suggest you read Joreth's post in her LJ about it because she's pretty clear about exactly what is hurtful about such arrangements. And yes she throws a tantrum about it because it's her journal to do that with and she fully acknowledges it. If you don't want to read it, I'll cut and paste the relevant bits for you, but honestly, she says it very well.
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