Originally Posted by Ceoli
I would suggest that people stop making the assumption that prospective partners are the kind of people who don't already take into account the kind of commitment a child requires. Because unless a person has a habit of getting involved with jerks, most prospective partners are generally going to know these things and it isn't a magic knowledge that belongs only to those people who have children. And it's pretty insulting to be continually treated like a person who needs to be told this since it's kind of filed under "should be obvious" for a great deal of the population. And for those for whom it isn't, I probably would get the clue pretty quickly that they are not someone who I would bother getting involved with.
That's the point that has been repeatedly made throughout this thread, yet again people feel the need to point out the obvious- that children are an important consideration in any relationship. NOBODY is disputing that and that has been said REPEATEDLY throughout this. The issues that have been brought up are hurtful and real situations that are faced by people and yet people are continuing to ignore that and try to argue a point that is NOT being made.
So if you're talking about simply knowing that your child is the most important factor in your life when making relationship decisions and creates natural limits that everyone has to work with, the issues that are being raised are not about you or the fact that kids are important and naturally create boundaries and limits.
Okay, I'm confused. The whole, kids are important thing might be obvious to you but it isn't always to others who are looking for a partnership. I have had people decide not to consider me because I have a child. That is their choice and I respect them for it.
I don't make assumptions when I enter a relationship with a person about anything really. I just wait and see and find out what they are like, what they want to know about us and how we could all fit together. It really has little do with my boy at the beginning. He comes in later. How someone feels about him being our responsibility is part and parcel to all of it. He is who we are. We move towards encompassing how a potential partner will change that and us them, if that is the roll they and we decide will work for us all. Like adding ingredients to soup, not like putting a bread roll beside the soup.
I am not sure why you are feeling insulted. If this is all obvious to you then maybe I am not talking to you and talking to someone who is now saying in their mind, "ohhhhh, okay, I get it." In essense, I think I am giving them that "clue" by talking about it.
Okay, what does this mean? "The issues that have been brought up are hurtful and real situations that are faced by people and yet people are continuing to ignore that and try to argue a point that is NOT being made."
What are the issues that are hurtful, what are the real situations, what is it that is being ignored? the part where you say, "people are continuing to ignore that and try to argue a point that is NOT being made," what do you mean....? did I miss a thread or something, cause I was not aware that I personally was ignoring something, I have been simply telling my story and thoughts. If that is in someway insulting then I would like to know how,.... I invite you to explain what you mean by the above Ceoli, because I don't wish to be insulting, and hurtful. I wish to understand.