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Old 10-02-2013, 11:26 AM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 1,987

I was supposed to sleep in today, but I woke up at the asscrack of dawn and now I am just !AWAKE! and can't do anything about it. Sigh.

I have a pretty hefty to-do list today, and right now I am procrastinating brain research. I teach a co-op homeschool class most Thursdays, and this month I am lead on a class about the brain. I have 4 sheep brains chilling in my refrigerator, so tomorrow the 11 teens I teach will be doing some dissection, but other than that, I have no curriculum set yet. I really should not have left it until the last minute, but I am still not motivated to do anything!

Monday I started teaching high school Chemistry 3 times a week, but that at least I have planned out for the year!

I messaged with M last night, and I guess he never directly addressed issues with his best friend. This made me a bit anxious, since that was the reason he had said he wanted to not do a make-up day with me on Tuesday. I didn't dwell on it though. Whatever, I guess. His friend will be coming over tonight to play pub trivia with M and I and some other friends. I am not thrilled about that though, because M said that he phrased it to his friend like it was mandatory. I don't know at all if his friend dislikes me personally or if it is just the whole idea of polyamory in general, but if he doesn't want to be there, I will be very uncomfortable. Trivia is something I really enjoy doing and I don't want that ruined for me. I mean, I am probably going to be guarded with my interactions with M now. I don't want to be, but I am going to be on edge. The friend's girlfriend will be there as well though, and she played trivia with me last week, loved it and is actually coming over to see me before trivia tonight. So maybe she can smooth things out as a bridge. I dunno.

My regular, long-term trivia team is slowly becoming more stressful. I play Tuesday nights usually, and lately I have just felt this undercurrent of tension between my friends. None of them ask me how I am doing, or about D or M. No one mentions M! And if I make a comment about him, or going to his town on a particular day, I see that they seem uncomfortable. I am starting to feel a bit on guard with them, and it makes me sad. I am going to try and make a more concerted effort to focus on those relationships in a positive way, so they can see this fact about me hasn't changed how we are with each other.

I am missing M a lot today. I did see him on Sunday, but 3 days is just about the maximum I can go without feeling disconnected from a partner. I need physical presence. I just do. Thankfully, I filled up my day with errands and work so I won't be sad that I'm not seeing him as usual. Well, I mean I will be sad - I am already - but I won't have time to wallow in it and instead will be focused on other activities in a more healthy way.

Edited to say that I finally uploaded a couple of pictures to my profile. They are from earlier this month though, prior to me cutting my hair and having bangs. For some reason, my newer photos flip sideways and I can't edit them here. Oh well!
A modern day polyamorous polygamist My Online Journal

Me, center of a MFM V-shaped polycule (39F)
Wife to DarkKnight (40M) & PunkRockAwesomesauce (42M)

Last edited by Bluebird; 10-02-2013 at 11:52 AM.
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