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Old 10-01-2013, 02:53 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,200


Found out that P & M2 broke up the other night - mainly due to time and schedule differences, and not really being able to make a heck of a lot of time for their relationship. P's the type to be able to pick up where he left off 6 months or a year later down the road, so he's not in a bad place - they left it as friends, and I guess they'll see where the future takes them.

The relationship between M1 and M2's husband was broken off a while back, due to some basic incompatibilities.

So... it's pretty much back at a typical Vee.

Gonna talk with P tonight when he comes home (and after I have my time with the kids). The one thing about splitting time like this is that I feel that, when these things come up, I have to wait until he comes home to actually talk about it (I don't like to call and take up his time with M1 unless it's an emergency). I guess it helps get the thoughts in order before we actually DO talk, but still... nothing like hanging on to stress longer than you need to, and working up the dread toward actually HAVING that discussion because you have to sit on it for a while.

I guess I can run it by him as to whether or not he thinks I should even bring up the whole FB commenting thing (not the "feeling like I almost got outed" part, that I still want to bring up). I'm reluctant to have that talk (even though I will), because I hate triggering his protective instinct - like he has to protect her from me. It disassociates me from him, and it takes some work to reconnect after that happens. Especially when I'm not trying to attack her, but it's just that some of her mannerisms can really get my hackles up when the emotions are running high.

Which, again, is MY problem. Not hers.
I just can't really vent to very many people about it, and really don't want to drag P in the middle.


It's obvious to me (now) that my main deal with the whole FB commenting thing, combined with the Xmas Eve thing, is a desire to feel validated and recognized as someone who is just as important to P as M1 is, even though I'm not as visible as she is.

What to *do* about feeling that way? No effing idea. I can't change circumstances, other than trying to get more "face time" with P's fam, which doesn't seem to happen even though I ask for it - it's difficult to get together. Do I splatter myself all over his FB feed? No. It feels like I'm wearing someone else's skin if I do that - it's not me. Do I just give up on wanting that? It feels like I'm admitting defeat if I do that - that I'll never have that, so why bother - sour grapes. Eff it. And therein breeds resentment ("M1 gets that, but I never will").

Double feh.

Oh, and no takers for the cookies, eh? More for me!
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 15; and PokéGirl, 12), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

External blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk

Last edited by YouAreHere; 10-01-2013 at 03:31 PM. Reason: nomnomnomnomnomnom... (and the light bulb moment)
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