For myself, the part that I am not hearing is his attitude about this.
If his attitude is "I know this is hard for you and I appreciate your willingness to let me be my authentic self. How can I help you with get through this?" then I would rely on his help, and ask him to make sure he does what he promises to do. I would also not meet him at this shared
Ok, nevermind, I just reread your post and saw this part
"He says he agrees to the “rules” but he doesn’t really adhere to them if they go against his impulse to act"
I would recommend you break up with him and find someone who wants to be your partner. Even if you are only one of many partners