Thread: Why??
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Old 10-01-2013, 03:07 AM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 182

(Whoops - I answered before reading the rest of the thread. I'll leave my comments here, though they've already been partly answered...)

As for the question you ask... my wife asked the same question, and gave the same answer that's been given above: she had someone who saw her for who she really was and was constantly and happily choosing to be with her. My poly life was "confined" to a small part of our life together, and it wasn't always easy. She felt, for years, that I was having a marriage AND someone else on the side, so *I* was never lonely while *she* was... and the list goes on.

We talked about it a lot. Things got slowly better.

What did she get when I had a pretty serious crush? Heartache. And I stepped back and didn't go further, because I wanted to know what was going on for her (and for me). Her response? "But *I* wanna be your..." and so she decided to be that, and suddenly we were both happier.

And then I fell in love. And I did nothing about it, other than talk to her (you can feel and you can talk, but acting on it is a different thing - I wasn't going to act). Then she met the woman, and ... they... well, it's not so much sparks, but a bond grew, a strong one, and she changed. She arranged for my first night with AM. It was after they'd had an evening or two in each other's arms. We're moving ever so slowly toward comfort with our triad, and it's lovely.

What made the change? Trust. I had never left her. Also, I trusted her not to abuse my emotions. Honesty. I told her what I was feeling without acting on it, she told me what was hard about it. Respect. A feeling that I was willing to hold back until I understood what was really bothering her. A feeling that she was willing to explore what was bothering her until she could name it. And the confidence to keep going, because we're just so damn curious about each other.

It sounds like you don't trust him and you're angry. It sounds like you feel like you're constantly being pushed past your limits, and your limits aren't being understood. That sounds really rough. Maybe knowing what you're angry about would clarify things for those of us listening to you, so that we might give you better advice?

Last edited by pulliman; 10-01-2013 at 03:14 AM.
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