I don't think you're playing the martyr at all. We all reach a point where we've tried to deal with things, we're being pushed too far, we're being told by the person in question that we're being unreasonable (or whatever), and we need someone to talk to about it.
Coming here to talk does not mean you're playing the martyr.
It's a fair question what is anyone getting out of sitting home taking care of the kids while their spouse is the one out having fun all the time (and it sounds like this is a very one-sided thing--do you ever get to go out while he stays with the kids?)
Regardless of what anyone else is getting out of it, it sounds like it is not acceptable to you. It sounds like he keeps pushing for more, and it sounds like he doesn't really respect what he's doing to you.
You are well within your rights, if you didn't agree to this going into marriage, to draw a line and say no.