All the more reason to stop bending! If doesn't meet your needs for support, nurture and relating in a polyship? Don't agree to do things you don't want to be doing.
All this stuff that your husband TOLD you about what polyship would bring you?
Originally Posted by tamlvscarl
Originally Posted by dingedheart
Standard answer 1) happier spouse 2 ) you might get some spillover sex ...from a natural kick start to his libido ....or to make things seemed balanced. 3) because of the issues and topics and the need to discuss said ....there might be a feeling of greater closeness. As a consequence better communication skills.
Is there a like button?! Cuz yes that is what I am told is what I get from this type of relationship!
It is not the relationship shape that brings you this. It is his behavior that brings you this.
That is the stuff of RELATING. It can be had in a monoship shape or in a polyship shape. It sounds like he failed to deliver these types of behaviors in a monoship. It sounds like he promised to deliver them in a polyship and you went along... maybe hoping it would be true. Or from fear of losing him. Or whatever reason you had.
And he failed to deliver it AGAIN in a polyship too. Conclusion?
- He is not meeting your needs in a polyship.
- He was not meeting your needs in a monoship.
You too were not meeting your wants and needs either.
What jollies do you get out of continuing to participate in a polyship OR a monoship with this person in this way?
Could start to say "NO" to things you don't want to be doing.
Could start to say "YES" to meeting your OWN needs here. If he cannot meet your needs for companionship/partnership? Could lose him, heal, and then open yourself up for seeking the quality of partner you prefer to have and enjoy who DOES meet your wants and needs in relationship.
I know that cannot happen in a second... it takes time to achieve. It takes time to process disappointment and hurt. Your name seems to be "Tam Loves Carl" so.... maybe you still love him.
But you could DECIDE any ol' time you want that you want something different than what you have been participating in.
You could decide to love him APART and OUT of the line of fire.
You could decide to allow your love for him to belong in the past, and spend your present making changes so you can move on to something different for your future.
You don't have to keep on getting dinged. You could decide you don't like it and take steps to change this.