Thread: Why??
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Old 10-01-2013, 01:05 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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I don't like the kid comparisons, either - at least, the typical kid comparison. I can't compare romantic love to the love I have for my children, and the comparison just leaves me feeling sort of "ew".

That said, though, I had to reframe the question into "what do I get out of a relationship with my partner"... and THAT list is a pretty long one.

What do I get out of a poly relationship? Not much. I'm not poly. I get less time with my partner. Whoopee... (*)

However - what do I get out of a relationship with my partner? Someone who loves me for ME, someone with whom I work well (cooking, projects around the house, you name it), someone with whom there is no shortage of conversation, or learning about each other... my relationship with my partner is wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

That's my reason why.


(* - So, yes, I was a bit flippant here. I *used* to have to reframe the question, but one thing I know that I *have* gained from being in a poly relationship is the self-introspection. It is VERY easy to bury and ignore the difficult things in a monogamous relationship. Not so much in a poly one. I have dug deep into myself, found out more than I ever expected to, and come out stronger in the end. It's definitely a benefit, but certainly not an easy one.)

Now... that said, I came into this knowing my partner was poly - I did not open an existing relationship, and I did not have to feel as though something was taken away from me (time, etc.). I still had a lot of work ahead of me, though, but I found the relationship worth it. Why work through it? Because you find it worth it. If it's not worth it, then why indeed?

Edited to add:
My partner has also gone through a lot of work on his side - learning about how *I* love (after not understanding it and thinking I could just "be poly"), understanding patience, and understanding how to communicate and work through our issues as well. It's not one-sided, and if it is on your side, I can understand your being upset.

I hear your questions, but what's your situation? Maybe with more info, we can offer some better feedback.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 10), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk

Last edited by YouAreHere; 10-01-2013 at 01:08 AM. Reason: The work hasn't been one-sided, and I wanted to reflect that.
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