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Old 09-30-2013, 11:56 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,354

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
It's sad that people feel like steps towards some pre-determined utopia are unreasonable and all people should simply be there suddenly. Because-that isn't reality.
People are certainly in different stages of their development, no doubt about it. While I might be good to go for one sort of big life change it would be safe to say that there are others which will knock me on my proverbial ass. When hearing that someone "needs some time" and asks me to make a change to my life I hope that I will take the time to empathize with their situation before I decide my course of action.

On the other side of the coin, if life seems to be getting away from me and I want IV to make some kind of concession in her relationships for my sake I need to face the reality that not everyone is going to embrace that. I need to realize, as I do, that when I ask someone to change their behavior to suit my circumstance (reasonable or otherwise) that they may well say "no". I am not entitled to their capitulation and I hope that they have the self respect to not submit to me because they feel obligated.

To add to the description of my personal stance, I am of the opinion that even *asking* someone to adjust their romantic life for my sake would need to be an absolute last resort. Therapy, geographical relocation, new job, new friends, and any other alternative I can think of will come before I ask someone to suit me.

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
Even though it was CLEARLY a medical issue I needed help with (which resulted in my needing more care from my partners AND our children needing more care from my partners as I was unable to do my part); the request to pause forward progress was still seen as "unfair".
There's no harm in someone having a negative opinion about a choice you've made, but it sounds like the person in question was starting a smear campaign or something. I would go out of my way to make sure that persons presence is minimized in my life lol

If I can ask LR, when you had your major medical crisis and needed more help than you otherwise would have, could you simply have asked for the help? I'm curious why you decided that the extra step of requesting that someone elses romantic relationship be altered. Was there something particular about the "progress" they were making in their relationship which needed to be halted?

It would just make more sense to ask for the help needed. "I can't do this part anymore, can one of you guys pick that up?" etc.

Originally Posted by Murasaki View Post
I found it very off putting that the story shared by this poster generated so many negative responses and judgement on the person character
For the record, this is a discussion forum, not an internet support group. However, if someone is being "attacked" that needs to be reported to the moderators.
Me: male, 40, straight, single
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