Originally Posted by Murasaki
However my PoV was that the poster in questions was negotiating to keep the changes in the posters relationship to a level manageable for that poster. Versus having everything change over night, which can be a shock to a person no matter how comfortable they are with poly.
There are many abrupt changes that can happen in a posters life that can (and often are) a shock to that persons system. What I read pointed to the poster recognizing that in themselves, and negotiating to keep the "shock" of sudden change to what the poster felt more comfortable.
I found it very off putting that the story shared by this poster generated so many negative responses and judgement on the person character.
Been there and done that and it sucks!
The reality is (and somehow people do seem to forget this) change is a stressor, stressors put stress on our body (good or bad stressors doesn't matter). Too many stressors simultaneously and we end up with a variety of health issues.
That is one of the big deals that has been addressed in our polydynamic. We have a busy life. It's important to work as a team so that we aren't creating so many changes/stressors (good or bad) at one time that they create health issues (mental or physical) for anyone in the family. That takes some imaginative work at times. But it is do-able.
Unfortunately-a lot of people get up in arms over that. I have disengaged completely from our local poly group because of how horribly I was treated because I asked for a pause in forward progress while dealing with a MAJOR medical issue that resulted in hospitalization. Even though it was CLEARLY a medical issue I needed help with (which resulted in my needing more care from my partners AND our children needing more care from my partners as I was unable to do my part); the request to pause forward progress was still seen as "unfair".
The end result was no forward progress and termination of even a friendship (there was no dating relationship at that point anyway) because when everything came down to the end of the wire, every person in our family was so offended by the way I was treated, that even the one who was originally wanting to date the person who started the "holy war" against me-couldn't stand by it.
It's sad that people feel like steps towards some pre-determined utopia are unreasonable and all people should simply be there suddenly. Because-that isn't reality.