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Old 09-30-2013, 09:47 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 13,983

Re (from LoveBunny):
"How long do you message someone online before it should move into telephone/skyping/meeting depending on which you prefer?"
That may be an unsolveable riddle, or at least one that has no "one-size-fits-all" answer. I suppose you gauge yourself emotionally and ask yourself if you trust this person you've been messaging. If you do, then it seems appropriate to take things to the next level.

"If you are not particularly physically attracted to someone's pictures, but not repulsed, is it worth it to meet in person? She would be driving for a few hours to meet with me, so I'd hate to have her come and then I'm blasé about her. I have no intention of getting with anyone unless I'm feeling Passion with a capital 'P.'"
It seems to me that you're kind of answering your own query here. It's important to you to actually be attracted to someone, not just "not repulsed." Which to me seems reasonable, after all romance is not just about emotional connection. We all have platonic friends who we just connect to emotionally, and really I doubt any of them repulse us. Love, appreciation, and familiarity have a way of enhancing the way someone looks in our eyes. But the point is, if you aren't feeling the Passion with a capital "P," then it's at least too soon to pursue a romance.

"My profile explains I'm married, husband knows I date outside the marriage, but he will not be involved. The woman I'm talking to has a long-distance boyfriend who allows her to date women. By about our fourth message, I decided to give her the gritty details of my level of experience in bisexuality/non-monogamy, and my current arrangement with my husband. I wanted to make sure the situation was acceptable to her so there'd be no misaligned expectations. I asked for details about her level of experience with women and open relationships. Now I'm wondering if I should have waited to discuss all that until AFTER we were fairly certain there was an attraction. I'm worried that saying so much so soon projected a level of intention I don't necessarily feel (like I'm definitely wanting to have relations with this woman.) Thoughts?"
Oh, I'd consider that a little mistake at worst, and we all make little mistakes in our interactions with other people. We're also of course our own worst enemies, and we keep ourselves up at night worrying about the things (we think) we've done wrong. Let's just say I don't think any "major damage" will result from your "minor faux pas." Heck, platonic friends can ask each other questions about their romantic experiences; doesn't mean they're going to get romantically involved.

"I don't want to lie on my profiles. But I feel embarrassed putting my own income, which isn't much, so I put my household income instead, which relies on my husband's salary. Without him, I'd be near poverty level. I love the work I do, but it's not a big money maker and comes with zero benefits. So ... my salary or my household salary? Remember, these women are dating me only. Husband will have no involvement (his choice.)"
If you're talking about OKCupid, it should be easy enough to state it in your profile just like you've stated it here. "My personal income isn't much, but my household income is pretty good, but keep in mind my husband has no intentions to be involved in my new relationships." Doesn't have to be worded exactly like that but you get the idea.

By the way there's nothing wrong with stating/describing salary in your profile (in my view) if you feel inclined to do so. I know on OKCupid there's a lot of leeway for how much or how little you publish about yourself, and I think the idea is that you can use your own good judgment.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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