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Old 09-30-2013, 06:46 PM
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Murasaki Murasaki is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 69

Originally Posted by london View Post
But remember, OP, it's perfectly possible to strike a happy balance with your spouse where you both get to spend days away from your home and with your other partners. You know like, you stay out from Friday to Saturday with your partner, I stay out Saturday to Sunday with my partner and we have our date night on Wednesday. We can change this around to suit all of our responsibilities as we need to. It doesn't mean that both parents have to be present all the time to share the parenting duties. I wouldn't have a new partner around my child and nor would I agree to hang out with a new partner's children. That sort of thing is a good few steps down the road, in my world. Not to be done in the early stages of dating.
I appreciate your point of view when it comes to introducing children to new people (friends, partners, lovers, ect). This thread is actually a response to a couple of threads in the poly relationship corner that I read about 2 weeks ago. Where a poster was told that they weren't poly, were using couple privilege, and controlling their partners other relationship (told they had control issues). However my PoV was that the poster in questions was negotiating to keep the changes in the posters relationship to a level manageable for that poster. Versus having everything change over night, which can be a shock to a person no matter how comfortable they are with poly.

There are many abrupt changes that can happen in a posters life that can (and often are) a shock to that persons system. What I read pointed to the poster recognizing that in themselves, and negotiating to keep the "shock" of sudden change to what the poster felt more comfortable.

I found it very off putting that the story shared by this poster generated so many negative responses and judgement on the person character. Sharing a story about your life makes you vulnerable, and being called controlling, told you aren't poly, can feel like you are being attacked. I feel people forget that this site is for sharing, and learning versus attacking. So I created this thread hoping to get discussion going about how relationship actually affect each other. How successful (or new) poly people handle the changes that come into their lives as partners come and go. I am hoping that more people will post their points of view so that poly people who come here to read and learn can get points of view in a non-threatening, non-argumentative manner. It helps to remove the stronger emotions so a person can really consider other ways of doing things, and decide if any of what they are reading speaks to them, or would be something they want to implement in their own life.
Me - Murasaki - Bi/pan
LTR SO - Kuroi - Straight (to complicated to have a current title)
Child of Murasaki & Kuroi - Momoiroi

Kimidori - Kuroi's other primary

In LTR of 22 years, married for 14 years to Kuroi
Didn't realize we had a poly type relationship in High school. Exploring poly again now that our Child is older.
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