Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Since the stone age, men have been taught to stuff their feelings. Feelings are not convenient on the hunt, in battle, or even when weilding a scalpel in the operating room.
Men are allowed 2 feelings, anger and joy. Joy is usually reserved for sports or sex. Anger fills in for every "negative emotion:" fear, hurt, insecurity, etc.
And you don't want anyone to "fix you!" Needing to be fixed shows weakness and men are not allowed to be weak. You'd rather fix others, you're a doctor for heaven's sake.
Have you and Ry made an agreement not to read each other's blogs here?
She has said you 2 have made a binding legal agreement to be monogamous, to not ever even flirt with others, on pain of severe financial loss. However, you seem to fear her needing another lover quite a bit still.
I don't want to be fixed because it implies that I'm incapable of fixing myself. What can a shrink really do for me? This is something I have to do on my own.
Won't argue with that. Feelings aren't convenient. Wife, kids, some fam, sad events? Yeah, okay. I'm capable of feeling. Do I need to express that all the time? I have moments, but just sitting in front of her, looking into her eyes, and crying or telling her what I'm feeling? Nah. I can think of other ways to put my time to better use than or sitting in a shrink's office talking about how something made or makes me feel. "How do you feel about ___?" "I feel like we need to move on to something of more relevance. Next question."
Unofficial agreement in place to not read them.
Legally binding or not, that "iron clad" agreement probably has loopholes. Yeah, the stakes are high, but I don't believe an agreement is enough to overpower the need, want, or desire she once had. I don't believe she can just go from every relationship in her life being like that to committing to monogamy forever. It's not fear that she needs another relationship. It's acknowledging that since she was a teenager, that's how she did things
Changes of this magnitude take time. I realise the past several months have been hard on her and anybody would want something different. Polyamory was no doubt familiar and comfortable. It's all she has ever known. Our marriage has changed. We're still in the adjustment stage and waiting for the dust to settle. Yeah, she likes it now because it's new and unfamiliar. She doesn't know what to expect. She can no longer cast our marriage to the side or do the things she did before. I'm wondering how she's going to adapt to this. What we have going now is like the honeymoon phase. Even with the rough days and therapy, it's new, exciting, and reminiscent of falling in love all over again. Calling it what it is...a fresh start. I'm coming from the perspective of...what happens once that novelty wears off and the hard work sets in?
The financial loss? Doesn't intimidate her. She's a financial wiz. She'll make it back in no time. It's a formality to avoid the civil proceedings. I don't want her money.