First off, I am sorry that this relationship didn't give you what you needed - it's sad when something ends. On the other hand, I am glad that you recognised it and took actions to first try to improve the situation and then to get out once you knew that it wasn't going to improve.
As to your final question - I don't think that there is one answer that is going to fit all situations - not even close. It depends very much upon the needs and circumstances of the individuals involved as to what is acceptable and desired.
If everyone involved were truly self-aware they would know going in exactly what their needs and wants were in a prospective partner, and one good sit-down discussion at the start could allow everyone to decide whether this was worth investing time in.
However, that luxury rarely happens - sometimes people don't know exactly what they want until they are in the middle of the situation, and sometimes situations change and dealing with those changes can be a challenge.
Sounds like you have learned yourself about what you do and don't want when it comes to quality time and intimacy - that's something that you can ensure is communicated to future partners which will hopefully allow you to not have this sort of disappointment in the future, or at least lower the likelihood.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb