Originally Posted by 1of4
This is kind of a weird question, but having finally come to accept that I'm polyamorous (it came at me unexpectedly and almost accidentally)... and as a practicing poly person who is just this week celebrating two years in a quad relationship (we are two married, heterosexual couples who "fell for" each other kind of by accident), I sometimes wonder why anyone would actively seek this lifestyle out.
Don't misunderstand. I completely love my husband of 20+ years. I also love my husband's girlfriend (in a sisterly type of way) and yes, my boyfriend too. The four of us have so much fun and so many adventures together and I get so much joy from our relationship that sometimes I feel like I will burst with happiness. And at this point I would no sooner give up my boyfriend or our quad relationship than I would willing give up a limb.
But on the other hand, it is SO complex to manage a quad relationship and all of the individual relationships within that quad. Sometimes, I struggle really hard with issues of jealousy and insecurity--emotions that I had never really felt before our quad...or at least not this intensely. And sometimes I still get really sad about being in the closet, and frustrated that none of us will ever really be able to be open about what we mean to each other. Sometimes I even get terrified that I have risked what was an incredibly strong marriage when we started out (and still is), but could be somehow hurt by opening it up like this to other relationships.
We are in the middle of moving closer to each other...just a few miles away. Maybe I'm just getting cold feet and am feeling anxious due to that.
But, I can't help wondering. Why poly? I didn't choose poly. Poly chose me. And if our quad relationship ended tomorrow (which would be horrible!!), I don't know that I would seek a relationship like this again. I guess I'm saying that even though I might be poly, I would choose not to practice poly. Maybe.
I'm just wondering why so many of you--knowing how hard and complex poly relationships can be--choose to be "practicing" poly people?
Please convince me again that this is all incredible, and rewarding, and fulfilling, and all worth it. lol
Me personally, I do not call myself any label nor do I say I am living a "lifestyle", every one has their own "life" and their own "style" of living it.~
I am not monogamous.~ Why? I see no reason to try to limit myself to loving only 1 person my entire life, I don't believe you can control love and when it happens, you can only try to suppress it within yourself and lie to yourself and every one around you, indeed I have fallen in love more than once it just comes naturally to me and I feel no guilt or 'shame' over any of doing so.~ I have yet to have some one love me back in the way that I love them: without holding back.~ If some one were to love me, they would love me completely and purely without any of us holding back.~ I would be overwhelmed with joy if that were ever to happen.~
I am here because I find like-minded people who just so happen to be incredibly nice.~