I visited E this weekend to celebrate his birthday. We had a really lovely date weekend. We didn't really have the chance to do any BDSM play (no privacy) or make a lot of noise in general, but there was lots of talking and cuddling and kissing.
It seems like the drop is hitting me faster and faster, though. I'm wondering if that means that I really am just kidding myself about this relationship meeting my needs. But then I ask myself, what would really be different if he told me he loves me? What need would that fulfill? I certainly have the "feeling" of being loved, because if we hadn't had that conversation I'd think he felt the same way I do. But, he doesn't. How much should that matter? I'm really happy when I'm with him.
I still definitely wish we had a more formal D/s relationship. There's still the little stuff, because when we're together he naturally falls into the more submissive role and defers to me. And that's pretty awesome. Although I love it when he's in a cheeky mood, too.
I pretty much love everything about spending time with him. So why do I have this hollow feeling now?
Me: 32 year old poly pansexual Dominant female, legally separated. Dating Jennifer (married poly), 7 months, and Henry (single poly), 6 months.