View Single Post
Old 09-29-2013, 02:58 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,275

What the heck? Why now? After two years of sleeping around and dating people I liked and not being jealous of their other partners, why am I suddenly acting kind of possessive and icky?
Because you are in a "new" thing with him now. He is now "committed BF person" and while he's agreed to it and your shared agreements? You have not time spent in this mode to see if he can "deliver" -- the relationship is not secure yet. In this new role, he's new to you. You don't know him very well as "committed BF person." So of course you feel wiggy sometimes. It takes time for the "new normal" to become "old normal."

Every relationship unfolds as it will and with every unfold? It's a new thing again!

Why do I feel compersion when he makes out with other people but jealousy when I think of him having sex with them?
Did previous "committed BF's" not deliver? Where you cheated on? Is it something else? What kind of jealousy is it?

Is it not so much him but his sex partner that wigs you out? The whole "Fear of the unknown stranger?" Could spend some time there sorting it out.

Can I expect these feelings to go away? Can I hasten their disappearance somehow, or do I have to just wait it out as my neurochemicals and the NRE stop screwing with me?
I think it could be a combo of just letting time pass and actively doing things to decrease your anxious, jealous feelings.

Is this normal?
Nothing new under the sun.

How can I accept these feelings without allowing them to trigger harmful thoughts and behaviors?
You decide that is what you want and then adjust your thoughts/behavior to support that decision.

If those thoughts pop up? You purposefully think about something else, or set a time aside to think it all you want and then once thunk and times is up? You let it GO knowing that you are not your thoughts. You are the person DOING the thinking behavior.

If those temptations to behave harmfully come up? You say NO and choose to behave in a different way -- on purpose.

(I am assuming you are not also having a health condition where the emotional volume goes WAY up. (ex: depression, bipolar, etc). That could mean a different approach than "sit with it, let it pass.")


Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-29-2013 at 03:02 PM.
Reply With Quote