Don't know if this would help, but has he tried Polyamorous Percolations
? It is a much quieter forum (Polyamory.com stole most of its thunder I think), but it has a good track record for nearly all posts being answered, and answered in a thoughtful, considerate way. Not that no one ever voices a disagreement, but in my five plus years spent on that site, I have found it to be (overall) the gentlest and most understanding of any forum I've ever tried (and I've tried quite a few). Might be something to think about if Polyamory.com sometimes gets on his nerves (and/or sometimes gets on your nerves).
I understand what you're saying about monogamous people thinking he puts up with too much, while polyamorous people think he puts up with too little. Obviously he needs an audience that can see the middle ground. Perhaps you do too?
From reading Matt's blog so far, it looks to me like he actually handles the naysaying pretty well; in fact it almost gives him a "force to push against" which can be kind of cathartic. But a fresh point of view (or points of view) has a good chance of being beneficial for both of you. Hence my reason for mentioning Poly Percs: There's always a chance it could help. I know, I know, more stuff to bother with. Perhaps lurk a bit on that site and see what you think? It's an older site (by about four years).
It's pretty discouraging when even a counselor doesn't get it. Sure it's great to see to one's own individual needs, but what's the point of being in a relationship if everyone in the relationship isn't making a due effort to help each other? So it's not "each man to himself," in my opinion.