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Old 09-28-2013, 11:42 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default but if you are talking about non-monogamy

and you problem isn't idiots cooking breakfast and your refridgerator isn't broken and if it was you wouldn't be stupid enough to not fix it or get a new one that doesn't need a couples constitution or laws written because you are too controlling with your frozen foods

what happens most of the time is boyfriend doesn't use exactly the same language he does with you when he is speaking to her. It's much easier to avoid dealing with the issue of sex by not actually mentioning which people he is having sex with and telling her he cannot offer an exclusive relationship. In this method all people are referred to as friends and he can deal with the real issue with a greatly reduced responsibility because it allows him to control/abuse her by using a condescending tone is she is having any trouble. He implies she makes mountains out of molehills and informs her that while it seemed like a overnight trip make include sex, there was none and it is just an old friend and she really needs to get a grip.

So long as he is only sleeping with the people that she would feel stupid and controlling to even ask, and every time it looks like a situation were sex is involved he can make it appear like she is doing it again and making mountains out of molehills he may even get her to apologize for the abuse she is receiving.

Of course it may all be much more unintentional, and completely innocent and just coincidence, I usually know my friends well enough to know who is and isn't working an angle so sometimes I might ask, "so what did your boyfriend say about US having sex yesterday?"

You would be surprised how vague people can be, or worse as if the conversation I was having actually better described her boyfriends reaction to us having coffee yesterday because her actually wording was that she hung out with me and not fucked me, but not that the worda "hung out" and "fucked" weren't chosen for the desired reaction -- or to avoid a reaction from her boyfriend.

It's been my experience that non-monogamy is easier to handle when terms used do not avoid the very actions that I know my girlfriend may actually be concerned with

Whether it's calling an event "having coffee" instead of a "date" or not disclosing unprotected sex because I know she doesn't have a problem with barrier at all times sex is manipulating a partner

although some like to refer to it as not causing drama

there is the occasional "semantics" issue among the "evolved" and "enlightened" crowd but when semantics is the issue it is never, and I mean never a one sided issue where the semantics favored one party over another

as if everyone was all on the same page, with the same translation and the same rated edition (R as opposed to PG) suddenly the labels might reverse and it turns out the drama queen was the about as patient and understanding as a person can get without being sedated and the poly pro was a criminal level manipulator

but honestly, it is never ever, painted like that intentionally

and if it is intentional it is probably not the one made out to be the asshole who is the asshole

if you know what I mean
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