I think what I am feeling is due to insecurity, like you said, from the fear of her just ending our relationship. Finding someone that's "good enough to keep her" and what not. Her seemingly large network of flings is admittedly intimidating. Maybe these feelings of attempting to be indifferent are just my defense mechanism in case something happens. I guess when it all comes down to it, I need to be stronger and stop being afraid of what could happen. It's not a competition. Thanks for saying that. I should be happy with what I have and enjoy the time I spend with her. Be happy that she is happy and happy that she is out enjoying herself. I need to focus on the emotional connection we have. That love. Those moments like what I described earlier.
I'm an IT Technician whose dream is to start my own independent game studio, so when I'm not working, sleeping, or with her....I'm working on my project. At first, just doing that was enough but my mind wanders. Last night before she texted I wanted to numb it with a few dos equis(like 3 total...i'm a cheap date haha)which sparked inquiry as to what the occasion was for me to be drinking...again, I talked around it. I see what I need to fix and learn to be more honest and open about how I feel like she's been...I'm finding out it takes getting used to. That's the one thing that was stressed in what I was reading about in this kind of a relationship. Hopefully over time this uncertainty i feel will pass, like it did in your case. Though maybe for awhile on those days when she's out with her flings I should go out too. Not to "pick up" anyone or anything. Like I said, I'm not interested in looking around right now. I'm saying that maybe it would help get things like that off my mind. Is that just running away from the problem? Thank you for your advice. It's nice to have a place where I can talk about this.