09-27-2013, 04:29 PM
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Originally Posted by GalaGirl
So what is it you need from yourself to gain peace of mind? You do not seem to say?
You know you can feel things WITHOUT acting on them right? There's nothing wrong with enjoying your friends and... leaving it there.
If you just want to enjoy the crushes -- enjoy them. Tada. You are human. You will notice and appreciate beauty, attractiveness, and the qualities that make your friends wonderful. Could give yourself permission to update old beliefs (that you can't have feelings for others while dating a partner) because experience has told you otherwise. And that you can feel things without doing anything (if you believe that feelings something means you MUST do something.)
If you want to ACT on these feelings, then you need to update your belief AND consider how to approach your partner, and then your crushes if it is that you want to date THEM in particular.
If you want to share emotional intimacy with your fiancee and let him in on your inner thoughts and feelings? Could do that. He can either hack it or not -- and since you are engaged? Prob something you could be doing in the Engagement Time anyway. If something as small as you having a crush on a friend turns his world inside out, your prob want to know that before he becomes husband, right? Nobody wants a flimsy life partner. A successful engagement can go one of two ways:
- You find you ARE compatible for the long haul, and you move on to wedding planning.
- You find you are NOT actually compatible for long haul, and you save yourselves wedding/marriage expenses/doom by canceling it and return to being friends. Or go for a loooong engagement to give both time to grow some more first. Nothing wrong with that either.
(Are you talking engagement/marriage prep classes anywhere? Place of worship? County extension? Online? )
Maybe you want it all. Or something else I can't think of. Or some mix and match combo thing. Could spend some time thinking about what your desired outcome is at this time. Maybe you just want time to get ok with it inside yourself since it is a new self discovery?
You aren't "bad" to feel whatever it is you feel though. It's just emotion. Some are yummy to feel, some are yucky. In time, they all pass sooner or later and a new one floats up!
Galagirl I love the way you lay things out.
J - my wife & partner since 2000
D - R's wife & my girlfriend
R - D's husband & J's boyfriend