Originally Posted by Vexed
In hindsight, I agree with your sentiments. When I was younger and got married I thought thinking about other women was something I'd grow out of because I was so in love.
I think it's common for people who don't "feel monogamous" to try to convince themselves of this, so you're by no means alone in the world.
"I'll grow out of it." ... The ironic part to me is that if you were thinking about other women early in your marriage, that's only going to grow stronger as the Honeymoon stage wears off. At that point, not only is there guilt that it hasn't worn off like you expected, but also regret that there's been so much time "wasted" while you tried to be something you weren't. Your mileage may vary, but these seem like recurring themes.
Originally Posted by Ariakas
I distinctly remember, even though my parents never got divorced, when they had some really tough times, it had a real affect on me. I have mentioned in other threads I am really aware of my fight or flight instinct. When my parents started fighting, and it felt like they were seperating I became really violent as a kid. They thought I wasn't aware of what was going on but I could tell. At 10 to 13 they ended up including me in conversations about money and other things. This helped a lot. It was a suggestion from the counselor we were all seeing together and individually.
Obviously this changes per situation (age etc) but it helped me a lot to at least know what was going on.
When I was about 13, my parents were having a particularly nasty screaming match. I remember telling them "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET DIVORCED ALREADY!" From where I was sitting, I could see that my life would be a lot happier if I had two parents who loved me and didn't live together than to endure the daily fighting. When they finally did separate, I felt a tremendous burden lifted off my young shoulders. I still got to see both of my parents regularly, I still knew that I was important and they loved me, and best of all, they could finally have real conversations because they weren't so sick and tired of the daily bullshit.
So I am 100% against any couple "staying together for the kids." Especially these days when divorce is so common, kids no longer feel like the only one, since every kid has at least one friend whose parents don't live together, or have two moms and two dads at two separate homes.