GreenAcres, I really appreciate your concern and response. It means a lot to me.
I know the way I've been conducting myself hasn't been very responsible or respectful, to both myself and others. I've struggled with excessive drinking for a couple years now, and I completely agree that now would be the perfect time to start making better choices to improve myself. I absolutely hate waking up the day after being with someone and wondering how it came to be, wondering if we talked about our health, etc etc. I end up feeling disappointed and disgusted at myself, yet it keeps happening. I suppose that saying is very true, that lessons will repeat themselves until you learn from them. Hopefully it's not too late for me health-wise, which I'll find out from the doc in a couple weeks.... :/
I really do not want to be someone who enables cheating. I'm really going to start reading more and working on communicating and behaving with self respect.