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Old 09-25-2013, 09:34 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA, U.S.A.
Posts: 360

Originally Posted by Blueeyedbutch View Post
Dingedheart, yes my friend also has feelings for me and she knows of my feelings for her, but we have not acted on those feelings out of respect for my wife, and my marriage. My wife doesn't know she has feelings for me, and I thought it would be best if she didn't, because somehow I think she would take that news MUCH worse.

For the time being I am going to not bring up the subject and let her emotional frenzy die down a bit before I try discussing anything poly further, I think that may be best in both our interests at this point. Meanwhile, I am doing research and reading on it so that at least I can come to peace with it for myself, so that I don't feel so much like a jerk for having feelings for someone else, and for hurting her with that information when she confronted me about it.

Its very difficult having feelings for two people, kudos for everyone that makes it work!

BTW my wife has one adult daughter, and I have no children of my own...
I'm sorry if this sounds a little insensitive but:

You are not at fault in any way for having any kind of feelings at all for any one.~

The issues of fear, doubt, and jealousy are all coming from your wife's insecurity and low self-esteem.~

Most if not all of the problems being caused are coming from your wife.~

There is nothing wrong with you, if any thing there is some serious issue going on inside of your wife.~

You are focusing on helping her with her issues.~

If you do sacrifice your own personal feelings for some one no matter how strongly you love them you will end up being miserable eventually.~

On the other hand you don't want to your wife to turn away from you, that is understandably heart-wrenching just to think about, but some where you need to find to not lie to yourself, be honest, and do what you feel is best for you and your wife.~

I just wanted to make sure you knew all that.~

Last edited by ColorsWolf; 09-25-2013 at 09:42 PM.
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