Originally Posted by kdt26417
That's awesome news Steve. You four "took the poly bull by the horns," so to speak, and all that emotional stuff that seemed so scary from the swinger angle turned out to be manageable after all. From your post and description, you guys are approaching communication in exactly the right way so far. Doesn't mean you won't run into bumps in the road, but at least you all have the freedom to really open up to each other, in every way.
Polyamory isn't always an easy way to go. But in my experience and from what I've seen, it's usually very worth it and richly rewarding. So, carry on, keep reading, posting, learning, sharing. I have quite a good vibe about the future of your newborn quad.
YES we surely did. It was my girlfriend who first mentioned this feeling like a poly relationship after only a couple months. However it was my interpretation that in saying that it scared the CRAP out of her because she was really wrestling with the idea of her husband being in love with another woman. The sex part was fine...it was the emotional part that has been a learning experience.
So you can imagine 4 months later...sitting down to acknowledge the nature of our relationship...I really put my fears aside and called a spade a spade. I said, "So I guess I'll start by saying that I had a realization last week that I had been looking at this like a struggling swinger relationship (insert clarification)...and when I really got straight with myself I guess I have to say that D (my gf) was right a while back when she said this felt more like a poly relationship or four way marriage."
You know what her response was? "Ha! I'm right! THANK YOU!" We all had a good laugh and the conversation moved on.
I never in a million years 4 months ago would have ever thought to have seen her so happy to hear those words spoken out loud. Not only did it validate for me that this IS what it IS...but it really shifted it from something broken to something we can nurture and create together.
I'm sure there will be bumps - and I have a good feeling too so THANKS! Like I said in my earlier post I feel that almost all the anxiety I had has been converted to a sense of security.