They are actually married, not just dating. He would like to marry me, as well (clearly not legally, since it's not recognized in the US; but, in every way possible to make things fair and stable); but, given the rest of the situation, it's not a solution I think is workable long-term. I didn't go into this looking for a V situation, or even a triad. It was all very accidental. Lesson learned.
I don't mind being in a Vee, but I don't like being secondary if it's more than just casual and fun, and I definitely am not okay with the probability that I would stay secondary forever, and I don't like the drama she brings to the Vee, which gets very difficult for me to deal with (there's a lot of scheduling involved since we're on different shifts and work at different places, and her drama directly affects me a lot because of this. He is unwilling to put a stop to it, in part because he has a very hard time understanding why the drama is an issue for me).