Originally Posted by Vexed
Due to my work we've been living apart for a few months, and in that time I feel less stressed, more focused, and have even started working out regularly, something I haven't done in years. People see me as kind, friendly, and reliable. I don't feel that way around my wife.
Boy - I know how that feels.
I was in a mono marriage which ended in divorce... now am exploring poly with my new bf. I never knew that this was an "option" before I met him. We are going slow and it is teaching us things we both needed to learn.
My marriage failed because it was strained, I believe mostly due to the severe lack of communication between us. The whole thing spiraled out of control until I and He felt like you describe in the above quote. No children involved...
I still feel my ex had poly tendencies and never knew how to put it into words (lack of communication!). I won't delve into details, but that relationship was horrid.
If I were to suggest anything, I would say this: If you are interested in poly, try talking to your wife about being open in a different way. In the we will talk about anything that we feel we want to talk about way. "open communication", so to speak. You will need this skill in a poly relationship for it to function well, and so you might as well bite the bullet and try it with her. Talk about your fears, insecurities, happy moments, anything. It doesn't have to be related to porn, but I don't see the hurt in trying to explain where the urge to watch it comes from.
Divorce SUCKS, even when you really want out. Maybe you will both be afraid in this process, but that in itself could rebuild trust and allow you two to know each other again.
Just my humble opinion.