First off, thank you for all the honest replies. You all have opened my eyes, but please allow me to explain my thoughts behind the "trying poly" comment, I may still be wrong, but I just think it might help me sort out my issues. We do have a son 3, and I do feel he is a major part of why we stay together, but I do feel we still love each other.
My reasoning behind poly is....since we both mutually like the feelings of being wanted, someone new, etc. I thought bringing someone in might give us both that spark. This is not a backwards attempt at me trying to get back at her or get my way sexually. May sound weird, but I enjoy the emotional side of it more and well if it gets physical then so be it, but that is not my overall goal. With a third "in my mind" there would also sort of be a mediator at all times regardless of which 2 are having a problem, and could maybe help the situation. I do admit, that I never really thought about how the third would be dragged through our problems so thank you for bringing that to my attention. I wouldn't want to put someone through that. I don't know if this matters either but for example, let's just say she had a really close fiend who we were all good together, would this be better or worse than let's say finding a stranger, because we already have that friendship to begin with. For the record she doesn't have a friend I'm considering this with, just curious. I will try and take you guys advice on fixing myself. I know we are in a bad spot. It I would just like to try anything to make it work for us.