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Old 03-02-2010, 10:30 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by Vexed View Post

I don't know which "right" is more right...
1) Honoring my commitment, being at home for my son, and doing whatever counseling I need to do to re-establish our love and become a better husband, or
2) Recognizing that we are both in so much pain and will continuously cause each other (and our son, by extension) unhappiness because, at its root, I want something different out of a relationship than she does.

I'm not asking for people to "tell me what to do", but I am curious about other people's insights and thoughts. Especially those that had a divorce from a mono marriage before they embarked on the poly life. Thank you.
Can someone who was once common-law with all the fixing and got divorced give an opinion ...I didn't move into a poly relationship at that time just simply ended the relationship to find my niche.

For me, there was no question it was done. I had tried and tried to make everything work but we were very different. Quick background she was 23, I was 17...7 years later we split it off and I was walking out more mature. Nothing clicked, communication couldn't even click, being around her was always tense (as I am sure it was for her with me), we didn't have anything in common etc. Our personal life AND our social lives diverted completely. I took time to do a soft breakup, see and feel what it would be like. I moved into the spare room (we owned a house) and started being "single". It was by far the easiest thing I had ever done. Kind of like how you feel when you are away. It was more natural to be apart then to be together. The breakup happened slowly and naturally...our relationship was simply over. Luckily, while it sometimes hurt, we both knew it.

I don't have kids, so parents can chime in, I was also lucky enough to have bother parents together until I died...but I do feel staying together for your son is the wrong thing to do. I can't imagine what a household would feel like without the parents being happy or trusting each other.
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