Oh. Thanks for clarifying.
"Hon, I told you I love her. But she's my friend, nothing is going to come of it and I want to let it go and just BE friends. Keeping bringing it up is not helping me to let it go. How can I help YOU let it go?"
That part I meant as a wording suggestion if the OP firmly decides to keep it at "Closed Marriage, Just Friends" and intends to let the crush go. Not the friend go, but the crush go.
If she decides that she wants "Open the Marriage, Pursue the Friend" instead? Then no, that suggestion will not work.
I am not clear on what the OP wants at this time from the original post. I assumed "status quo" since she was so focused on not "losing anyone" and keeping things the same so she wouldn't lose anyone.
OP could take a time out to get thoughts in better order and decide for OP's own self -- what do I really want here?
- Understanding from my wife about my poly self discovery?
- To Open the Marriage?
- To date this particular friend?
- Something else?
- All the above? Some other mix and match?
First figure out what the desired outcome is. Then
take steps toward achieving it.
Sorry I was not as clear as I could have been last night.