I spent this past weekend with E, and it was really nice as usual. I'm already feeling a drop, though. It's hard when it's good not to think beyond the moment, but I'm doing my best.
The little stuff is just still so good, though. It really makes me happy. We had gone to bed for the night and the light had been off for about ten minutes. I rolled over to my other side, and then he leaned over and kissed my shoulder before rolling over himself. It just made me smile and feel good.
One day at a time... until either it doesn't work, or the pain hurts more than the happiness. I have to get past the wishing for things to be different. I'm kind of feeling stuck there, though. I just don't want to let go of those dreams.
I am an idiot, aren't I. Yes, that's rhetorical. Sometimes I wonder how I can have such conflicting emotions about all this, because I am so fucking happy when he and I are together, but the sadness always comes back. I want more. I can't have more. Do I need to write it out 500 times by hand before it finally gets through my head?
: 32 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
Mark/StbxH, my husband of ten years, now separated with no desire of reconciliation.
Henry, 28yrs, my collared submissive, dating for 11 months and recently cohabitating. Currently no other partners.
Jennifer, 39yrs, dating for a year. Married and has other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Last edited by Vicki82; 09-24-2013 at 06:27 AM.