We tend to show others how we love them in the way that we would like to have it returned.
In my relationships it has been important to identify "what makes me feel loved and secure" and express those to my partners.
Not surprisingly, we all have different ways of expressing and receiving love. There is often a mismatch between what one person is sending and what the other is receiving. So it's important to communicate these things.
I cook for people I love. C rarely cooked for me. Why? Because she feels I'm a lot better cook and I like cooking while it is a chore to her. But I had to explain (it took a while for us to figure this out) that I enjoy/love when she cooks for me, even if it's a piece of toast. It's not the quality, it's the action.
So, for her, it seems weird that making me a piece of toast in the morning makes me feel warm and fuzzy but she does it. But if I needed a 5 course meal to feel loved, I doubt it would happen.
I exaggerate a little to make a point.
So if someone saying "I love you" makes you feel loved, you should ask for it as one of the many things that makes you feel loved. Just know that the other person may chose not to do it because of their own issues.
Me: 55 straight male in a W
- Primary: C - poly female - together since 2009
-- Her BF A: poly male
- My GF: K - poly female, sub
Last edited by sdguitarguy; 09-23-2013 at 08:42 PM.