View Single Post
  #196  
Old 09-23-2013, 05:08 PM
Numina Numina is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
I think your plan of going through with your life plans and living life is the most healthly decision of all. I have a fourteen year old dd, she is fully aware of her Dad's life choices.
. . .
He is also my best friend. It is hard to say that but he continues to be.
Ahhh see you understand, and also have a child in the right age group as Wolf.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
By caring for your self first you are caring for Wolfe best!!!!
Wolf and I have talked a lot about the things that are going on. What she sees, hears, and understands. What she doesnít fully understand (usually from lack of info) she asks about. And this statement she gets 100%.

Twice Wolf has told me that if I have to get out sooner then her school schedule allows for then I should do so. Not just in the particular instance of moving out of state. She has her own frustrations with her father, and loves him very much. She works at spending quality time with him whenever they can make it happen. She was very displeased by several events that affected her, and her relationship to her father. It took a good bit of time and notes, discussions, arguments with Airyn for him to realize what was happening. Over all Airyn loves his child very much, it was his blindness in NRE with Chipmunk that has caused issues and stress in his relationships.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
I know this is a sad time for you, and I fully applaud you for moving forward with long term plans. I fully applaud you for showing Wolfe that you are a strong woman and despite the problems in your life your moving forward with it. I agree that Wolfe knows her mind and as long as you honor her wishes but still parent, this is a healthier path, then waiting in limbo for Aaryn.
Wolf knows that getting out of this situation, and into a place where we have more family will be a better place overall. She also understands that her father can make his own decisions. On my end I have to do what is right for me, and Wolf. Airyn sees that this choice is right for all of us, to move. His hang up is Chipmunk.

Many times Airyn has talked about how unlikely it is that any relationship between him and Chipmunk will last due to their incompatibility. As far as the compatibility between Airyn and I goes, that is a partial question mark. There has been an increase in distance between us, we were once very very compatible, and probably still are. There was just a pause that has changed the landscape between us. So we now have to discover if the changes are more than we can work through, or are just a rather bumpy road we can learn to travel past together. Airyn will always be my closest friend. I have offered him more then once the opportunity to work out some kind of living arrangement with me. In one instance he dropped the ball completely (NRE? fear? donít know why doesnít matter now). In the second he was telling me what I wanted to hear, but was not hearing what I was telling him. His feeling were sincere, but did not fit with my needs then (or now).

Honestly I see Airyn moving out as heís currently planning to do. Getting the space we need from each other, and talking when we are both ok with doing so. I also see him considering the pros and cons of a life tied to Chipmunk (which he has been doing more in the last month or two). He talked last night about looking for closure. Heís not saying that heís ending things out right, just that he wants/needs closure on certain things that have happened. And due to circumstance he doesnít currently have a place that he can feel in control of his environment and the flow of conversation to air grievances between him and Chipmunk (and the two of us though he didnít say that).

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
This is where you said that you will be taking the child away. Yes, you state that she will have to decide what she wants to do but it is the state of your relationship that is forcing this choice.
The state of my relationship with Airyn will be forcing this choice no matter where I live (once Airyn and I are no longer living together). Never once have I said that I was TAKING Wolf with me. I have either chosen not to say anything when accused of this, or have pointed out that where Wolf lives is not up to me, and that if Airyn wants more time with Wolf he will have to show her that, and talk with her, not me.

Again - If her father and I are not living in the same home she has to decide where she will stay (when, how long, ect.). In one set of circumstance (same city two homes) that decision can be for as little as a single day, and as much as several months. (She will soon be seeing how that works, and how she feels about it in the moment) In the event of moving to another state her decision will by necessity need to be for at least a week (more likely 2-3 weeks) at a time depending on cost of travel, and income between her father and I. This is something she may never have to deal with, but is already thinking about.

One more time for clarities sake. Airyn and I splitting up PHYSICALLY living in two different location even within the same city will put Wolf in the position of having to decide which home she stays at. She may find that she ENJOYS having more space, and a second home, or she may HATE it. Either way she will let us BOTH know her thoughts and feelings (probably separately at first). We will all talk about it as a family, and make our decision from there. (I know my child and I fully expect that she will actively work towards Airyn and I living together.)

My decision to move is made, and approved of by Wolf, and Airyn. The only thing uncertain about it is the actual move date, the actual home we will move to and if Airyn plans to be a part of the move. Right now his answer is that we are moving as a family all three of us. So the eventuality of Wolf deciding how she wants to split her time over a larger distance than a single city does not look like it will come about. However, she is thinking about the possibility in the event this occurs.

Over the next several months, including Airyn moving out there will be talks and consideration to the type of home structure we will be looking for once we move. How many rooms we will be looking for, are we looking for a place that is set up as a single family home or a place set up more like two apartments? That is the current question, and isnít something that can be truthfully answered right now.

There is the possibility that Airyn will move out, and come to me to say that heís just not that into me, and heís going to go ahead with his life following a different path. He currently does not believe that will happen for reason I donít care to share here. But there is that option, and I will only put as much effort into maintaining a relationship with Airyn as he is willing to put in himself. We shall see how things go.

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
I am only answering this here like this because you asked as well as sent me a pm directing me to respond to this here.
Actually I did not request that you respond here, nor did I request that you respond at all. I sent a PM and stated why I felt a PM versus responding within my blog was best in this instance. The PM was to explain why i have never responded directly to any of your prior post, but did to this one, and to inform you that I did respond since you state you were no longer going to follow my blog. I do not mind in the least that you have decided not to follow my blog thatís your choice. However I felt that your comment warranted a response (which I explained in the PM why i felt that way).
I made at least 2 comments (one privately to you, and one in my blog) about a PM sometimes being the better choice over a post in a blog.

Seems to me that I was right. There is some difference in communication, you donít understand what I am saying to you, and your words donít have your intended effect on me. Now that IS an incompatibility you and I could NEVER do Poly together this way.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
Reply With Quote