So hard when the other person in your life is not making decisions. I have that issue in my relationship with my husband. I told him it was a very bdsm dynamic. He then is in total control, by not making a decision. It forces me to make decisions in my life and he gets to blame me and be responsible for his own life. I get to be labeled controlling. I am furious with that. I am not the bad guy for choosing to be responsible for running our life and making my child safe.
I think your plan of going through with your life plans and living life is the most healthly decision of all. I have a fourteen year old dd, she is fully aware of her Dad's life choices. She has told him her feelings about this and told him that they aren't healthly for her. She has let him know he is choosing to make her home an unhealthly place for her. She picks up on his choices and mine. She told me that my last partner was a problem for her. She let me know that she felt I distanced from her. The difference is I listened and acted in a respectful manner. I also apologized and then worked that out with my long term boyfriend, so it did work better for her.
My husband and I live in the same house but are separated, by my choice. He is also my best friend. It is hard to say that but he continues to be. He finally had a wake up call recently when his individual counselor told him that there is no point in counseling as he makes agreements and then chooses without disclosing not to follow these simple agreements. That it is a total waste of money to keep doing the same thing over and over again.
I know this is a sad time for you, and I fully applaud you for moving forward with long term plans. I fully applaud you for showing Wolfe that you are a strong woman and despite the problems in your life your moving forward with it. I agree that Wolfe knows her mind and as long as you honor her wishes but still parent, this is a healthier path, then waiting in limbo for Aaryn.
By caring for your self first you are caring for Wolfe best!!!!