Iíll attempt to clear up what is either a misunderstanding, a mis communication, an assumption, or just completely unclear all together.
Originally Posted by london
Have you considered that having two, or even one, unhappy parent in the home may not be best for your child?
Airynís decision to get his own place/move out will be made despite our YOUTHFUL agreement(s) to live together. That is not truly being taken into consideration. It is a fact however that Airyn has used this agreement in arguments where/when I have attempted to kick him out. If you have read my recent post on Airyn moving out you will see that this is where things are headed. At this moment Airyn getting his own place is the decision Airyn has made. What have you read that makes you think Airyn and I will live together in such a way that we are unhappy at home?
Which brings me to another point.
There are many, MANY configuration where two people (adults) can live together despite their differences. (One example
). Some configurations require or expect a large amount of interactions between the two, while others expect a lot less or even no interactions. What Airyn and I decide will be what we see as our BEST option for US. Just because I do not talk about Wolfís views, or concerns, desires when it comes to this does not mean that she has not been taken into consideration.
WOLF has a voice of her own. She has a place in deciding to move, or not move. She has a place in deciding where she will live, and how she will spend her time should Airyn and I split, temporarily, or for good. She is already being included, and her opinions, concerns, and stated wants/desires are being considered. Wolf is all for moving out of state, She was all for it before Chipmunk, and is even more interested as she has gotten to know my family better, and has become dissatisfied with certain things relating to Chipmunk.
Moving out of state is a decision that has been discussed and put off for various reason over the course of several years (at least 5). This is not a new sudden ďtime to moveĒ thing. And is not something that is happening right now
. It is something that is in the planning stages with the expectation of moving next year
Also Airyn has been on board with move from the very first time we discussed it, and is still on board today. As a matter of fact Airyn has taken many of the first steps in helping this proposed move happen. On a related note: a few months ago Airyn and I got an offer to move out of the country, Airyn was very very interested in this possibility. He was actively seeking to understand how to make this move a reality, and this is still a possibility. How difficult would it be for Airyn to hold on to a relationship with Chipmunk (who gets unreasonably upset after 7 days time not seeing Airyn, or 2-3 days not hearing from him-with or without being informed of Airyn lack of availability) if we decide to move out of the country?
Originally Posted by london
I think you are looking for ways to make him choose.
Airyn has so far been unwilling to make a choice. His choice (as I have stated before) is to NOT choose. His decision does not prevent me from making my own decision. Iím not willing to do/participate in certain things. If a decision on Airynís part requires, or expects me to participate in something I am not ok with, or not comfortable with I am quite capable of deciding to remove myself from the equation.
Yes this decision does take Airynís choice to have both myself and Chipmunk as SOís in his life away from him on my side of that equation. That does not make my decision wrong. It makes my decision my own. Making a decision that expects more from someone than they have stated they are willing to do/give is a risk. Airyn is taking that risk in what is for me an extreme way.
There are several motives for moving.
1 - To live closer to my own family Who gets to say that itís in Wolfís best interest to not have the opportunity to know her motherís family?
2 - Opportunity. There are better opportunities for all three of us in the cities/neighborhoods Airyn and I are looking at moving to. Education for Wolf, Job opportunities for Airyn, and I. Better housing options, plus more opportunity to explore our various hobbies without large amounts of travel being involved. An all around better/healthier environment that includes certain other opportunities Iíve not talked about.
3 - the obvious one for me to get away from Airynís relationship with Chipmunk.
3a. To protect myself, and Wolf for the potential harmful contact that Chipmunk appears to be capable of. A restraining order is only a piece of paper it is not actual protection if the person chooses to ignore it, and do harm any way. I have been considering a restraining order for several months (4ish). And I know that if the person you are attempting to restrain chooses to ignore the order the only thing you can go is call for help. It is an illusion of protection nothing more.