Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 09-23-2013, 01:09 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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I saw my ex on Friday. She invited me to lunch, and there were some things said that I needed to say and get off my chest. I saw another side of myself that I was quite pleased with. She started trying to spin her deception in her favour, and I politely told her to, "Shut the bloody hell up and stop bullshitting me because I can see through you. Try again with the truth and no excuses." It was cathartic to say everything I have been thinking since the truth was revealed. I told her that I was disappointed and disgusted that she would have been okay with me going through a nasty divorce and custody battle if it meant furthering her agenda. I asked what Matt had ever done to her? (Nothing. She just wanted me all to herself.) I asked how long she plotted to get rid of him? (Since 2007. My pregnancies stalled the plans.) I asked if dating and fucking him was part of it. (She admitted to as much.) I asked if she ever loved my children? (I did not really get a firm yes/no. It teetered on "caring" for them. I asked if she ever really loved me. (She claims she did, but after the previous revelations, do I believe her? No.) All she could say was, "I am sorry." It is too late to apologise. I sacrificed my marriage and family to defend her, and THIS was the thanks I got. I almost lost everything standing behind someone who had it out for my husband and wanted to destroy our family. My family is the most important thing to me, and she would have taken it away if I had let her. That is going to take some time to forgive.

I was pissed, and if my mother had not raised me better than she did, I would have bitch slapped the taste out of her mouth. I did not hold back because I felt like the least she could do was look me in my eyes and be honest. I deserved that much, and I got the whole truth. What to do with it? I am just going to bury it and move on. She proved why she has no reason to ever be part of my life or ever get close to my children again. The same goes for her family. I wish her well. I am stronger, wiser, and proud of myself for standing up to her. I know I still have some anger towards her. I am in no rush to resolve it. I am going on with my life, though.

Now the positive/non-poly stuff...

I am in the States on a private holiday with my daughter, mum, and MIL. The flights here were killer. MEL-LAX = 13 hours. The flight from LAX to our holiday destination = bit over 4 hours. We arrived yesterday afternoon a bit after 5 PM. Honestly, this is the happiest I have seen my daughter, and it is filling me up with joy. My mum and MIL are getting along like old school chums. I retired last night, and they were drinking wine and laughing about goodness knows what. I was unsure of how having both of them in such close proximity would work, but it has worked beautifully. My daughter loves having both of her grandmothers here, and they have been spoiling her since we arrived. My MIL flew in on Friday night, spent the night with us, and we were on both flights with her. She has been a dream, and we have been getting along with ease.

DH and our son spent the weekend at the beach home. His dad flew down for the week to help out with watching mini me and taking care of the home. He is awesome for that. Nanny J is also on duty for a limited amount of time. DH changed his schedule to 7-5 Mon-Thurs of this week. Nanny J will be taking him to the nursery, since it opens at 7:30, and DH/his dad will be picking him up. In addition to that, she is attending various events on my behalf. When I booked this trip, the dates for said events were not on the books, and I could not hold off. They had a guys' weekend in Portsea, and they had a very enjoyable weekend. I am sure they have been indulging in sweets and doing things they could not do with me around. There is a 14 hour time difference between us, but this has been the perfect way to do a check-in with our communication. So far so good. We were video chatting on the flights, and I talked to him before he went to work.

Le sigh. I have fallen in love with our holiday rental, and I would love to purchase the home as an investment property. We do not have any properties stateside. It is on the market, and my interest in it spiked the minute I stepped inside again. We stayed in this particular home last year when we were in the area, and it was newly constructed. It smelled like paint and new wood. The asking price is $2.65m. I am not sure why the price increased in June by $400k. It is a beautiful estate. The owners said the home is booked solid for the next 30+ weeks, and the new owners will have sole access to the funds, as they will be placed in escrow.

Considering the fact that we have a home in London, technically four properties in the Cote d'Azur (we rent them separately but usually as a whole), our current residence, and a beach home, I am not sure DH will go for the idea. I am going to pitch the idea and see where it gets me. What can I say? I love a good deal.

The holiday is going superbly well, and I am loving it here. My MIL and mum went to pick up dinner. We just ordered pizza tonight. A deep dish pizza, maybe? I have never had it before, but it looked and sounded positively yummy.

I am about to go eat dinner, get the duckie ready for her bath/bedtime, and get ready for tomorrow. I am not sure what is on the agenda for tomorrow, but I am sure it will be fun.

All in all, this holiday is going superbly, and I hope it continues to ascend higher and exceed my expectations. Then again, it already has.
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
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