That is some very sound and wonderful advice. He and I both have tried to walk away so she can calm down and we have tried to tell her to go relax a bit before we continue the convo because it is not an environment we want the kids to be in. All she does is explode more and says "NO! I'M not going anywhere to calm down." or she will follow whomever tries to walk off to continue exploding...so, yeah kind of difficult doing that lol.
I have sat with her recently in private, and discussed her outbursts to try to understand where she is coming from. She says she feels a lot of times like she is just looking down at herself and watching herself lose control even when there is nothing setting her off or stressing her out. She says she hates that she does it and she knows that no one can stand to be around her because she can't even stand to be around herself. She says she has no idea why she does it because there's not usually anything bothering her when she does it, it just happens.
She has also cried and told me she feels bad that I have to shoulder all the responsibilities of taking care of the kids and cleaning house by myself because she cant handle being around them (they trigger her too) for long
She apologizes to me profusely for it(going off on me when hubby is home)
snce I get caught in the crossfire when she explodes when he is around.
He told me that he married her because she got pregnant the first night they were together (like they met, 6 hours later had sex, found out a few weeks later she was pregnant) so he got together with her and married her because it was the right thing to do. Stayed with her for 5 years because of the kids because, again, it was the right thing to do. He says for the first 6 months she was okay, then her true side came out.
I do sometimes wonder if she was initially supposed to be a one night stand, but because of his character with always trying to do right when he makes mistakes he took it upon himself to face his responsibilities. He's gung ho about taking responsibility. He is also gung ho about keeping promises. He has said that he did promise her when he married her years ago that he would make sure she is taken care of and the kids were taken care of, and he says that he is doing what he can to hold true to that promise.
I can understand somewhat where she is coming from because I have mild bi-polar disorder, but mine have never made me have outbursts I just go from really hyper and bubbly to down and morose then evenly mellow then back up to bubbly again. It doesn't help that I have ADHD lol.
So, yeah she is well aware she is overly dramatic...because I'm one of those people who has no filter and I get a bit flummoxed when trying to figure out how to turn one on between my brain and my mouth lol. I do, however, have some tact with it ..thankfully! LMAO.
So, yes, she knows when she's starting to be pissy, overly dramatic, etc cause I will let her know and sometimes I tell her "I've got to go to the store because I need to get away from you right now. You're being pissy and I can't stand it when you behave that way. You'll get me being pissy, so it's best if I go for an hour" She knows I don't intend to hurt her feelings so it doesn't bug her, she has said she appreciates that i'm honest with her and that i'm not brutal with it.
Ummm...what else... *scrolls back up*
Oh yeah...I do think also she stresses herself out over little things too, so you are right there. For example, today she was supposed to take 175mg of her meds, but only had 150mg because she forgot to get a refill yesterday. She was so paranoid and stressed over not having that 25mg that she got super edgy and pissy. I had to point out to her she was starting to act out, and suggested to her maybe going to her room to read or watch a movie or something will help her calm down. So, I'm aware of her difficulties and I do my best to help her with them.
I'm sorry I jump around so much, I try to answer the questions in order but I have to scroll back a lot because I forget what I was responding to ...having a lot of "ooohhh squirrel!" moments tonight lol.
Anyways, thank you so much for the advice. I will be implementing them and hopefully in time things will slowly get better so the family unit can function at a non-dysfunctional level.