Choose. Tough and interesting word, as everyone here seems to have tackled that part of the original post.
Did I choose? Yes and no.
No, in that, when K first came into my life, I was blown away by her presence. I didn't choose to fall in love with her. I had been happily monogamous with my husband for a long time. It just happened. The first time she kissed me, I got lost in it. And then immediately afterwards said "Ooooh. That was bad." Some part of me knew, at that moment, that formative choices were to come.
Yes, in that, I chose to listen to my own thoughts and feelings, I chose to embrace them for what they were and not deny or run away from them, I chose to be honest and share them with my husband even though it was scary and I was unsure of his reaction, and I chose being authentically me, instead of trying to smash myself into a societal mold that I did not fit.
Now that she is gone, I miss her. I love her and if she wanted to come home, my door and my arms would probably be open. I wish we'd had a different experience. Some of what I know now would have changed how things happened, perhaps. However, I am aware that is a simplification of a difficult situation, where none of us were prepared for the depth of feeling involved.
It can be crazy and emotional and stressful at times, but there is much goodness too. I think it outweighs the challenges, and I would say I am a better person for choosing to be my authentic self.
Women and cats will do what they want, men and dogs will have to get used to it. ~~ Heinlein