Back to the topic of Airyn moving out.
Originally I suggested that Airyn move out because I see he’s not actually done with his relationship with Chipmunk. I suggested that he move in with her, and let it play out see where things go for him. This is how I found out that he can not live with Chipmunk, and more of WHY he can’t. Some of it is her personality, some her way of living, some his need for independence/security, and on and on.
I was upfront with him, that I don’t like the idea of him moving in with Chipmunk, or him moving out at all. That we did agree to always live together no matter what till Wolf becomes an adult (or as long as she lives at home). I also reminded him the many, many times that I have attempted with words and actions to “kick” him out, or give him the impetuous he needs to just go to get away from me.
He has several moving out things to work out.
1 - Wolf
So many problems that can cause. He knows what things built resentment, and animosity between him and his mother, he knows what has happened in his life with his mom that he has not forgot, and is still not happy/accepting of. He doesn’t want to add anything new to Wolf’s issues with him.
He also wants to have daily contact with Wolf, and recognizes how difficult that will be on me. He is recognising that I am likely to not want daily contact with him. He acknowledged that I’m likely to want rules/guidelines for when he can be at my place.
2 - Transportation
New job breeds extra responsibility. Have to be able to get to work to keep the job. So the location he lives will be important, and could cost him extra due to where I live, and where his job is. It’s not a cheap area of town.
3 - Cost
Can he afford to live on his own? What things will he be without, what things will he be able to take with him?
4 - Risk
Its a risk. How likely is this to further damage his relationship with Wolf?
Will I wait for him, resent him? Some things he’s said, “I don’t want to lose you because i moved out.” “My moving out is not us getting a divorce never to be together again. There is a lot more that would have to happen for that. That is not the point of my moving out.”
lol, somehow his moving out has become his idea versus my idea. >.>
Other conversations happening.
I am determined to move after this school year. I have talked and talked for 5+ years about moving closer to some of my family. Now I’m determined to actually do it. I told Airyn that I’m moving because I have wanted to for years, and because I want to get away from his relationship with Chipmunk. I am moving with or without him.
How did Airyn take that? Not well. His initial response was that I’m telling him I’m move thousands of miles away and taking his daughter where he won’t see her very often.
I explained that how often Wolf sees either of us is up to her. That she’ll likely spend school times with one, and summer/holiday times with the other. I also pointed out that she may chose to switch whom she lives with during school times every other year. Wolf is old enough to think for herself and make that kind of decision. That ended that conversation. He can’t point his finger at me as “taking Wolf from him”.
Overall there are still emotionally charged conversations happening, but there is less over the top anger on my part. This makes for a more productive conversation over all.
At this point I want Airyn to really think about his own options, and think about what his goals are. What does he hope to accomplish with moving out. Will he resurrect things with Chipmunk? Whom he has not seen/spoken (outside of one sent email) to in almost three weeks now. I want to know if he sees that is moving out is a place where we can be friends and co-parents, and that I won’t be interested in dating him while he’s dating Chipmunk.
When will he move? Unknown he has to have more than one paycheck to move out, and we are still talking about it. He is still deciding what this will, or might mean for him.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married