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Old 09-20-2013, 08:35 PM
Numina Numina is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139

What HAS happened? Airyn got a job a few weeks ago, and expects his first paycheck soon. Over the last three weeks there has been a LOT of talk, discussion about him moving out. I brought it up.

The conversations about Airyn moving out?
I told Airyn that I feel he needs to move out so he can have his relationship with Chipmunk on his own terms, and not be restricted by my terms, conditions, ect. Veto power was NEVER actually GIVEN to me. All over these forum (when I’m looking for advice) I have read that vetoing a relationship a year later is bad business.

*following quotes not in any real order*
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I'm going to answer the title.

I don't see how this can work. If a problem exists in a relationship-then THAT problem in THAT relationship needs addressed.

When my DH and I were having issues-WE separated, he got his own apartment and we reverted back to dating each other with specified times and availability. We did counseling, we worked on OUR issues.
But taking a break from my relationship with GG because DH and I were having issues? No.
Originally Posted by WhatToDo View Post
I think it is an unreasonable thing to ask him take a step back from someone according to you that he is in love with. It's to late to pump the breaks at this point in my opinion. You were fine with them getting to this point in their relationship but now that they're there it's too much for you? So now you want two people to put their feelings on hold because you're struggling? And from what you've written it seems like you still get treated like the primary relationship if they're only together a couple of times a week.
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I do think that a break from relationships can be healthy. However, I think the relationship with the problem is the one that needs a break.

Which one of these concepts makes more sense:

"This kind of sucks, I am going to stop doing it for a while"
"This kind of sucks, I am going to stop doing other things that I enjoy"

There is no way that his "pausing" his relationship * * * will do anything but breed seething resentment for you. I hope that you decide to drop that thought process entirely and get on with dealing with your own shit.
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Honestly I think you and your husband need to take a break. Almost sounds like you want to punish him because you are insecure and miserable.

I am not going to rehash what others have said better than I can.

My husband and I are at a crossroads ourselves . He like you wants to work it out. Me I am tired of dealing with it. I have spoken my wants needs and boundaries until I am blue in the face. He has never respected that and has trampled over agreements over and over. He denies doing so. Lucky for him he hasn't made the request that I take a break from my bf. My bf is the one good thing I have to look forward to. He brings me peace and is my rock. If my husband made the demand you're thinking of making my husband would be gone. I am not going to throw away 17months of happiness for someone who is a source of stress.

So yeah Airyn has been in the position these above quotes say he should walk away from me for. But he hasn’t. I would guess he’s built up resentment, of his own over this. And I’ve seen other posts (I just don’t feel like searching them out and quoting them here) about the unreasonable requests being to blame versus the person side stepping over the “unreasonable request to get/have what they want/need.

My side is a little bit more than patience, or just “understanding” It’s me recognizing that I’m making things worse over all. Is that co-dependency? I have done some research here, and I have always felt that when people talk about co-dependency they are referring to a person who feels they can’t live/survive without another person. Either the person they are currently with or the new person they attach themselves to as soon as they are no longer in a relationship. (that of course is not the only part of codependency, it’s just what I see people pointing at most often)

I used to not be comfortable at home alone, or even just myself and Wolf. I have a decent understanding of what that meant for me during those times where I was dealing with/working through that issue. I no longer have overwhelming “I HATE BEING HOME ALONE” moments. I do still get the occasional, “I have to get out now, do something anything out of this empty home”. When that occurs I got for a walk, or run errands, I find something productive to do. I have found that these moments tend to occur when I am dealing with stress or anxiety of some sort. I have a stressful job, and work schedule, and things in my current relationship with Airyn are stressful. So I get that “Gotta get out now” here and there, but not like I did ten years ago.
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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