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Old 09-20-2013, 08:06 PM
Numina Numina is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139

Originally Posted by Numina View Post
Also Airyn has not chosen Chipmunk over me in a long time now. What he has done is chosen to not choose between us. He lives with me, and made that choice before finding out that he could not live with Chipmunk. He lives with me not just for Wolf, or because he can't/won't live with Chipmunk. He lives with me to BE with me. To spend time with me. To take care of me in what ways he can considering that he isn't able to let go of Chipmunk.
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Not making a decision is making a decision. Not choosing is making a choice. He has put you in the position of deciding the hard things over and over again. He, for whatever reasons, is currently incapable of making hard decisions. He is not a bad person but it does make him a bad partner FOR YOU right now. He wants you to decide for him.
I have already acknowledged this one.

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
So do so. If you feel this is best for you and your child, divorce. Have him move out. Or you move out. You may need to pay alimony if he is not working. Do what you have to do. You can choose to stay. But know that the window of opportunity to salvage a workable relationship with him - someone that will be in your life for the rest of your life because of your child - is closing.

Maybe being on his own will be the impetus he needs to get to figure out his co-dependency, his need to save people, his refusal to face hard decisions. Or not. Maybe being on your own is what you need to work on your own co-dependency. But what you are doing now is not working.

Let him go.
Call it co-dependency if you wish, but that is not the whole view. Itís the co-dependency built on years and years of living together, relying on each other. Which is more like interdependence. Loving someone, living with someone, having a child with them builds a certain amount of dependency between those two people.

Originally Posted by Numina View Post
Detaching might be for the best, but I can not do that on my own, I need him to decided to go. We (I) have tried to just be friends/roommates. That didnít work. We both love each other too much despite all this animosity. Iíve asked myself, and Iíve asked Airyn many many times over the last 5 or 6 months, ďwhy am I still trying, why canít I just end things with him and move on?Ē My answer is the same as his. Because of LOVE. Doesnít matter that Love isnít enough to keep us from tearing each other apart. It doesnít matter that being in love with Airyn is hurting me because of his relationship to Chipmunk. I still feel all that love that he and I have build over the 2 decades we have been together.
Airyn has been a non-working stay at home father for at least 10 years. Kicking him out is not an option.
1 - my income is not such that I could afford two residence.
2 - Iím not the kind of person who would drop him off at a homeless shelter.

For Airyn to move out he has to agree to move in with a friend or family member. He canít live with Chipmunk for various reasons so that isnít an option for him. His closest family is 7 hour drive away, and would keep him from seeing Wolf as often as he wants to be able to do.

Another point: Airyn and I have had rough patches when we were first getting together, both before and after we began cohabitation. We worked it out, and became stronger as a couple for having done so. There were times of separation then as well, and likely will again.

I got tired after reading the latest response, and have not actually finished catching things up. So you guys are actually in the dark on current events/conversations. I'll probably just move on to what it looks like will happen now.
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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