Newbie and seriously need input
I am a lesbian, and have been in a monogamous relationship with my wife for 12 years now, married for 5 of those years. I was brought up in a Christian Right-Wing household, and had a very difficult time coming out of the closet in the first place, and finally at age 26, embraced that I was truly a lesbian. Now, twenty years later I find myself in an awkward and difficult circumstance where I have fallen in love with one of my friends. Which brings me here.... My wife has known that I have had feelings for my friend for quite a while now, and finally about two months ago confronted me about it. I told her yes that I loved this girl, but absolutely NOTHING is going on between myself and the other person, other than friendship and of course MY feelings for her. My wife is losing her mind that I love someone other than her, and can't accept the fact that I love two women because "You are supposed to love me and only me!" And now I am really confused about how to proceed with this....I love my wife, I love this other woman, I don't want to lose either one in my life, but I have no idea what to do without losing one of them in the process. I know its being selfish to want to 'have my cake and eat it too' so to speak....but I do honestly love them both, and don't want to lose either of them. My wife is absolutely NOT open to any type of poly relationship, and a very jealous and insecure person in general. I have tried to explain to her that my feelings for her haven't changed at all, but because this is so completely out of her comfort zone, and she deems it as being "not normal" I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to express myself to her without hurting her further, and honestly I HATE that it hurts her so much....I don't even know if I am being selfish in wanting to keep them both in my life, and I am even beginning to question exactly who the hell I am anymore......am I poly or am I just an asshole?
Has anyone ever felt like this? Or am I just some selfish jerk to think that it is even possible to salvage my current relationship and still be able to keep my friendship with the other woman in the whole deal?