Thread: BDsm
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Old 09-20-2013, 03:02 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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I knew a girl, years ago, who talked about the healing power of BDSM. I always raised an eyebrow. My concern was always that, I recognize that BDSM can break down a person so that they can feel truly vulnerable... but I had doubts that the dom knew what to do with the person at that point. It's a similar process in conventional therapy - work past the defense mechanisms to find out what is underneath (break down), and then teach new thought processes and habits so the patient can live a healthier life (begin healing). My question was always, "does the dom know how to bring them to a place of healing after they've broken them down?"

[I am assuming that "breaking down barriers" is one of the primary functions of BDSM, if I am wrong about this let me know]

I've been asking myself this same question since this topic started up. I've basically come to the answer of... most therapists I have worked with were profoundly incompetent. Most therapists I've heard of other people working with are profoundly incompetent. I have actually only encountered ONE therapist who I thought was actually good at his job and was doing more good than harm.

Keeping that in mind, I suppose it doesn't matter who is at the wheel when it comes to working through defense mechanisms and developing a more healthy worldview. I don't see why a dom who has been working with people for years is any less qualified than most therapists out there lol

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I believe it was in the Bottoming book where an author talks specifically about a woman who was raped, and how when she chose to do "rape play" in a consensual gangbang situation, after years of ordinary therapy, it finally helped her to overcome the original trauma and make her feel empowered once again
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
For the issues it has helped with, I have already done therapy. I was already on track for healthy patterns. The dynamic allowed for a bit deeper intensity on a more personal level, but it wasn't a replacement for therapy.
I wonder if these two are kind of related? The "rape play" example sounds like she was already in intensive therapy for some time and probably learned quite a bit about the nature of feeling safe and feeling in control. Then it sounds like she found a safe way to actually test and explore these concepts which helped all of the information come together.

It's also possible that we are talking about two kinds of therapy, both of which are very important. Going to the spa for a few hours, I come home feeling truly relaxed, as if a huge weight has been lifted from my life. If anything qualifies as therapy, I'd say that would be it. However, while I feel much better this hasn't taught me to deal with my childhood issues with my father and the stress that comes from those experiences. That is another, and separate, kind of therapy needed.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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