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Old 09-20-2013, 07:09 AM
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Spokanepoly Spokanepoly is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Spokane WA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Is it a preference a soft or hard limit?

If this could change over time -- it is a soft limit then. WHAT needs to happen for the limit to relax?

Or if it is a HARD LIMIT that will never change in time for you? Make that known. Then wait for her response.




Which type jealousy are you having? Could see page 5. Could ask her to do page 6. Maybe also look at this jealousy.

Could also talk about polyhell stuff if you are feeling those.




Since other people already suggested keeping busy... I'm going to suggest something else just to give you another option.

Sit with it. Be ok feeling "missing her" type emotions and that fact that it isn't one of the "fun" feelings to feel. Don't rush to stop feeling those things. Just sit with it and examine what they are trying to bring to the surface into your awareness.

Yes. She is gone. Yes. You will miss her.

Yes, ask for what you might need in terms of a check in call or goodnight call or whatever to help. Being punctual about what time she says she will return for instance.

But ultimately? There's is nothing WRONG with missing her and it is appropriate feeling to have when your spouse is gone for a bit. To miss her. Be weird if you DIDN'T miss her one iota.

Instead of fighting how you feel about it, trying to avoid feeling how you feel about it... just sit with it for a time and jsut feel whatever it is you feel. How willing are you to just let it BE FELT?

It's not one of the yummy feelings to feel. But it's part of the price of admission -- when you practice polyshipping, you partner shares their time with other people. Could spend time sitting with it and examining it.

"I miss my partner when she's gone. I don't like this because then I _________. "

(What would you answer? And each time keep tacking on "I don't like this because then I _________. " until you cannot possibly dig down further.)

What turns up as the final sentence? Maybe that exercise could give you some clues.

In the meanwhile... when she gets home ask her to do the aftercare you need for comfort or reassurance. Maybe ask her...
"Please tell me you if had a nice time. Please tell me you appreciate that this was hard for me, but also appreciate that I did it anyway. Please tell me you love me."
See if you feel better while you are still digesting this new thing.

Galagirl
Awesome response , very helpful and thanks very much for your time on this subject
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