When swinging became poly
This is my first post. I was on the swinger boards today and thinking to myself "I'm in the wrong place...most of this stuff just doesn't apply to us anymore!" So here I am.
My wife and I have been together for 13 years, married 10. Two years into our relationship we entered the swinger community but didn't play until 2 years in. We've had our share of partners over the years, and by that I mean 3 or 4, all couples...but never really got into the casual sex aspect of it. We were always looking for more committed friends with benefits.
Well, earlier this year we met a couple and clicked with them IMMEDIATELY. Within a month we had become exclusive, seeing each other every other week at the least. Each week it seemed we kept expanding our boundaries until we found ourselves splitting off into swapped couples 100% of the time we were together, even sleeping together and going on separate dates on select evenings. When we went on vacation together we swapped for pretty much the whole vacation but hung out together a lot as a foursome.
It didn't take maybe 3 months before we were all saying "I love you" because, well, it was undeniable. We are truly in love with our swapped partners and they with us. Us two guys get along very well and the girls have a way to go at deepening their connection and are working on it.
So I guess comes the realization now after 6 months that we are NOT swinging any more. We ARE in a four way relationship. Some days it sure feels just like a relationship with jealousy, hurt feelings, miscommunications and apologies. All with an amazing connection and unbelievably stellar chemistry. We tag all three bases: emotional, physical and mental connections. We're not "out" with our families and are still very discreet around people from our circles. But despite that we have a blast wherever we go and whatever we do.
The challenge we are just starting to face now is ACCEPTING that this is a four way relationship...it's not what we were looking for...and it's what we HAVE. No one wants to stop, sometimes it's hard and we want to grow and learn from our early mistakes. This weekend we are going to have our first four way conversation from the context of this being a relationship on how to speak our minds when something is upsetting us IN THE MOMENT and not try to "put on a smile" and have it ruin our weeks when we return to our spouses. Surely I'll have plenty of need of advise as things move along!!!
So here I am. Coming to a new board to see what I can learn about this new and wonderful...also tricky at times...horizon that is rising before me/us.
J - my wife & partner since 2000
D - R's wife & my girlfriend
R - D's husband & J's boyfriend