Well, I think I have some clarity.
Sassanach had to cancel, but we rescheduled for Monday. Susan had invited me to join her with some of our mutual friends while I was waiting for Sass, so once I had that ironed out, I joined her.
Everything was good. We were flirting heavily. Some strong innuendo, some explicit. It was enough to get me physically excited. I asked if she wanted to leave with me. Before she could answer, Daley logged in (not in our room, just online) and another one of her suitors (for lack of a better word) joined us in the room. She was barely communicative after that. I told her I was ready to leave, and asked again if she wanted to join me. She said she was ready to leave, but was it ok if she didn't join me.
Ha. What can I say to that? If I tell her no, it's not ok, it's controlling. If I say yes, I can't complain about it later. I say "of course" as controlling is not something I'm going to do. She leaves so fast I can't even give her a hug goodbye.
But I get it now. She doesn't want to be my girlfriend publicly any more. Privately, I don't know. She doesn't want to give me up, but I'm going to have a bitch of a time going from seeing her every night, to seeing her once a week and hoping she's not going to run off if she sees someone better. There's definitely some NRE going on, but that doesn't make it any easier for me.
I do feel better this morning. Much less confused. I have an terrible time dealing with uncertainty.
Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR ex? girlfriend: Susan - serial monogamist female - 4 year relationship ended? 9/29
Stakes - very intimate friend